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15 Reasons Why Malia Obama Should Come To Penn

Photo cred to Jaclyn Chu (and @GomianKonneh on Twitter) who, understandably, was probably too shy to get a better pic. It seems like just yesterday that a 12 year-old Malia Obama was at daddy B's inauguration—and today, she's checkin' out Penn for college next year. So, MALIA, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, here are 15 reasons why we think you should choose Penn:

  1. It's the closest you can be to home while still attending an Ivy. 
  2. You can join in on Amy and Joe's tea parties.
  3. The alumni donations would be through the roof! We'd have buildings named after Obama instead of Perelman and Fisher. Think about it—The Obama School of Drama.
  4. If female Secret Service guards follow you around, your ratio would be really good when you go fratting.
  5. You'd be the star of Penn Dems BYOs.
  6. The helicopter already has a place to land on High Rise field.
  7. You can network with Tiff Trump.
  8. Penn kids get cameos on House of Cards.
  9. Mom and dad can enjoy delectable meals in Commons during Parents Weekend. 
  10. You could probably get a bid from Tabard.
  11. Other presidential progeny go here, like the daughter of Cameroon's president.
  12. You could convince your dad to be the 2016 commencement speaker even though that would necessitate creating a no-fly zone over the hospital...
    We'd be okay with Biden again tbh.
  13. We want to start a legacy of Obama children coming here.
  14. You'd be at Playboy's top party school.
  15. The food trucks.

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