PSA: Narcs, Narcs Everywhere

Ahh, fling--the sun is temporarily shining, the birds are singing, hackers are hacking, and NARCS ARE LURKING. The Liquor Control Agency is back in full(er) force this year to protect West Philly from the terrifying threat of drunk kids in boat shoes, and they mean business. If you're planning to guetta little weird this week, there are some things to keep in mind:

• This year there are twice as many alcohol monitors, patrolling on and off campus Monday-Friday 6 p.m.-2 a.m. and Saturday 12 p.m.-2 p.m.

• Officially they need to (1) hear music, (2) see a crowd, and (3) see open alcohol containers, but LCA agents and alcohol monitors have been known to raid parties without all three of those conditions in place. Basically, if you're throwing down for fling, it has to be a silent disco and the alc needs to have a cap on it at all times. Sippy cups work.

• Undercover LCA agents will be at parties and for the first time in Penn's history have the authority to escort the president of the organization out of the house in handcuffs. Note: LCA agents are not the same as alcohol monitors. They're here to write citations and make arrests, kick underage ass and take underage names, float like undercover butterflies and sting like bees with badges. Watch ur back. Watch others' backs.

• If an "RA" knocks on your Quad door out of the blue and demands to search your room for alcohol, this person is probably not an RA. Or a NARC. Despite rumors of such sketchy Quad searches, it seems that if it's really happening, it's thanks to people who are probably too cheap to buy their own alcohol. Use your noggins, kids.

• KNOW YOUR RIGHTS. Nerdy site, but good info. Ridiculous, but timely.

• If fighting the man is your thing, Protest for a Free Fling is actually happening Thursday at noon on College Green, as per last night's viral Facebook event. Peace love fling and protests! This is so theme-y! You've got UTB's support. Is it too late to get a Free Fling fling tank?