Under The Button, Penn's humor and satire blog.

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Features  Published 03/03/13 5:09pm

Reasons Why It's Better To NOT Go Away For Spring Break


So, midterms are over, which means...SPRING BREAK 2k13!!! Where are you jetting off to - Cancun? Punta Cana? Cancun? But even if you're not going away... Don't get mad, get even! We've got a list to remind all you couch potatoes that you're way better off than anyone ending up like this at any point during the week. 

1. You can watch this as many times as your heart delights: Even those five-star resorts have spotty Wi-Fi. However, for those of us shackin' up with the rents for the week, we can watch this gem of a video over and over and over (and over) again. And then follow it up with this.

2. You can eat whatever you want, whenever you want it, without shame: For all of you who went on a cleanse in the weeks leading up to break to get that perfect ~beach bod~, we've got the last laugh. For those of us kickin' it back locally, we don't have to worry about showing our near birthday suits on the beach, day after day. Cue that second helping of your mom's meatloaf, please.

3. You get to avoid an awkward week-long beach romp: You're young, you're hot, and you're in college. So why not find that perfect hook-up after your parents have called it a night? Good idea, right? Wrong. What happens when the week is over? How are you going to keep in touch? After some random guy has seen you blackout clutching one of these, there's really no chance at you recovering from the embarrassment.


4. You get to conserve all your energy for Fling: Come on, we know you're already thinking about it. Who's going to perform?! Are we actually going to get Macklemore? Well, for all of you partying hard in Cabo and Miami right now, joke's on you. We hope y'all can make it to that Saturday.

5. You won't be disillusioned when you return to Penn: It's cold in Philly. And unfortunately, it's going to stay cold. So enjoy that warm weather while you can, because you're going to be pissed when you get back. For those of us who never left, though, the return isn't nearly as harsh.

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