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Features  Published 09/29/11 1:00pm

This Week In Crime

It's baaaaaack!  In addition to awesome half-priced Copa burgers, Wednesday's are also home to the DP's weekly crime log.  After a day of dissection, we've come up with University City's top three criminals of the week:

3) "Can You Hear Me Now?"

On September 16, someone stole merchandise from the Verizon Wireless store.  Since it doesn't say he took a cell phone, he probably stole something lame like a phone cover or holster. Verizon sucks and is out to screw over the world, so we're proud of little guys like this who are all for sticking it to the man! 

2) "Indecent Exposure"

At 5 p.m. last Saturday, an "indecent assault was reported on the 3900 block of Spruce Street." Maybe a fratstar and a sorostitute had a misunderstanding and someone got a show they didn't pay to see! Or maybe over at the new Transplant House, someone was just trying to donate their organs! Either way- we give it an A for effort!

1) "Eye P. Freeley"

The big winner of the week also goes by James Hughes. This 46-year-old stud from South 49th Street was cited for urinating in public last weekend. We've all done it! An when you gotta go, you gotta go!

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