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donahue

Steve Donahue used his years of coaching expertise to lead the Penn Men's Basketball team to its first ever 1/8 share of the Ivy Title. 

Credit: Ananya Chandra

Everybody hears it when they head off to college: You get what you put in.

A season of blood, sweat and tears paid off for Penn basketball when the team clinched a one-eighth share of the Ivy League title earlier this month.

Despite losing two halves of a stripped-down backcourt that the Quakers had banked on before the season, the seemingly fractured Red and Blue squad banded together to bring home a cherished fraction of the Ancient Eight hardware.

The team’s accomplishment provides a satisfying end to the careers of seniors Darien Nelson-Henry and Jamal Lewis while serving as a stepping stone for a Penn team that will return seven-eighths of its roster — and two-sevenths of its facial hair — next season.

“This is huge for Penn Athletics,” first-year Penn head coach Steve Donahue said. “The Department is headed in the right direction.”

A look at the sabermetrics supports the coach’s statement.

Combine the men’s team’s achievements with those of the women’s team — which staked its claim to eight-eighths (or five-fifths) of the league title — and the historic Palestra is home to nine-sixteenths of Ivy hoops excellence. Factor in Penn football’s one-third share of a championship, and the Quakers took home thirty-five seventy-seconds of a title in their three most highly-attended sports.

“We’re nearly halfway there,” Athletic Director Grace Calhoun said as fans stormed the court when the buzzer sounded after Penn’s final game.

Penn president Amy Gutmann did not field questions from reporters.

“I can’t hear you over the roar of the crowd,” Gutmann said in a statement issued from her Manhattan apartment.

Reflecting on the season, Donahue said the team’s depth and balance, more than anything else, made the Quakers an enjoyable team to work with.

“It wasn’t just the one or two guys scoring all the points. It was a different person every night. A ton of different players contributed.”

The coach did, however, single out junior forward Matt Howard as the team’s MVP.

“Matt had a heck of a year. He gave 110 percent every night. Eleven-tenths, if you will. And his tremendous effort was a great influence on the guys. He made the people around him better,” Donahue said.

“The whole team shared in his success, much like the rest of the league shared in ours.”

Donahue, who had established himself as one of the nation’s top coaches at Cornell before leaving to coach Boston College for four years, was able to use his knowledge of the Ivy League’s unique format to prepare his Penn team for its title run.

“It’s a #14GameTournament,” the coach said. “And I just told the guys from day one, ‘Survive and advance, survive and advance.’ And look where it got us. ”

Some took to social media to congratulate the Red and Blue on their triumph.

“I want to give a big shoutout to the Penn Quakers for winning a share of the league championship #OneIvy #EightIvyChampions,” Princeton President Christopher Eisgruber wrote on his official Facebook page.

“Amazing job by UPenn. One-eighth of the league winning one-eighth of the title. I think there’s a beauty in it,” read one post from Twitter user @RealVermontSen74.

The Quakers will look to build on this miraculous season next winter, when they will chase their first NCAA Tournament bid since Glen Miller’s team won five-thirds of the Ivy title in 2007.

Editor’s Note: This article is part of The Daily Pennsylvanian’s annual joke issue. Read more about the history of joke issue here.

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