amygutmann

Courtesy of Minicola/Creative Commons

Penn has always known she was easy, breezy and beautiful — but now the rest of the world will, too.

The face of Penn President Amy Gutmann will soon be gracing more than the pages of The Daily Pennsylvanian. Gutmann was named the most recent CoverGirl, a spokesperson for the brand announced on Tuesday. Her fellow new generation of CoverGirls includes Kate Middleton, Taylor Swift, Katy Perry and Ellen Degeneres.

“I’m excited to foster women’s engagements with beauty at a local, national and global scale,” Gutmann said. “My work in political philosophy has taught me there is nothing more important than empowering women.”

Per the terms of her contract, Gutmann will appear in a series of CoverGirl advertisements promoting its new “Inner Goddess” campaign, which encourages women of all ages to embrace their inner tigress.

Gutmann, in particular, will model Covergirl’s “Porcelain Goddess” line of cosmetics for fair-complexioned women. According to CoverGirl spokesperson Candi Foxxx, Gutmann’s pale skin inspired the brand to launch a new shade of bronzer, “Golden Ben Franklin Bench Showers.”

Gutmann will also launch a line of lipsticks — which she has dubbed “50 Shades of Pennovation Compact 2020” — with CoverGirl, targeted at professional women.

“The darkest shade of red — called ‘Under the Button Orgasm’ — illustrates the fact that no woman, no matter her age or alma mater, should feel that she can’t be as sexy as the first time she got frisky near a library,” Foxxx said.

Other colors in the line include “Bloody Tampons,” “Commons Ice Machine Slime” and “Sunset Blush.”

Students had mixed reactions to Gutmann’s new professional pursuit.

“Let’s face it. Amy Gutmann is a GILF,” College and Wharton sophomore Carey Strict said. “She’s no Judy Rodin, but it’s inspiring to see Penn presidents embracing wider issues during their tenures.”

Merva Breight, President of the Kim Kardashian School for Women Who Want to Learn How to be Feminists Good and Do Other Things Good Too, or KKSWWWLHFGDOTGT, however, disagreed. “Cosmetics are bad for the environment,” she said. “Amy Gutmann should have signed with National Geographic instead.”

Next week, Gutmann will fly to Los Angeles to begin publicity efforts for the line. She is next set to grace the cover of Vogue Dublin, where she was named “Power Scholar of the Year.” The renowned musical artist Based God, who has been snubbed from multiple Grammys, has released two songs about Gutmann’s fellow CoverGirls, entitled “Ellen Degeneres” and “Katy Perry.” In the same spirit, he will release a new song next month entitled “Amy G.”

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