Despite a standout Ivy League career, point guard Zack Rosen is facing plenty of doubts about whether he can take his talents to the NBA.
“I just don’t see it. I can’t get past the red hair and Jewishness,” said one Eastern Conference scout. “That dude was friggin’ awesome in college, though.”
Sources close to the situation indicated that Rosen could opt to go the undrafted-benchwarmer-cut-by-two-teams-international sensation route that has been successful over the past year.
Said one team executive: “I won’t go near that guy until he goes through a series of challenging obstacles, nearly gives up hope, then leads an inspirational comeback of Disney movie proportions that galvanizes Jewish gingers across the world.”
In the event that Rosen overcomes long odds to accomplish his dream, news organizations are preparing hundreds of cheesy headlines and nicknames as part of their “Zacksanity” contingency plan. ESPN has already doubled the salaries of “First Take” analysts Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith, while also doubling the volume on their microphones.
Sources said Ben & Jerry’s ice cream company has even begun manufacturing a “Zacksanity” flavor, featuring vanilla frozen yogurt, Lychee Honey swirls and matzo ball pieces.
In lieu of the NBA combine in Chicago, teams have asked Rosen to visit various players’ apartments in hopes of finding a couch he could sleep on at the beginning of his feel-good, rags-to-riches career.
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