*Wharton students get free segways

*This story appeared in the 2011 Joke Issue.

The lives of Wharton students are already fast-paced, but soon they will be even faster.

Beginning next September, the Wharton School will provide all students with Segways as part of a six-month pilot program that was announced Monday.

“Wharton is always innovating its technology to stay ahead of the curve,” Wharton Dean Thomas Robertson said, adding that “our goal is to reduce the time wasted by Wharton students walking around campus.”

Each student will receive his or her own Segway to be used between classes and in free time, Associate Dean and Chief Information Officer of Wharton Computing and Information Technology Deirdre Woods said.

The school will set up a docking station at the front of all Wharton buildings, she added, although logistics are still being worked out.

“We have already initiated an iPad pilot. Segways were the next logical step,” Woods said. “They are the latest in individual transportation technology and will help Wharton students use every moment efficiently.”

So far, Wharton students have had positive reactions to the announcement of the Segway pilot.

“I waste so much time walking from Huntsman Hall to Commons,” Wharton junior Hannah Shaw said. “The opportunity cost of walking is too high.”

“With a Segway, I won’t have to worry about getting down to the bus stop or waiting for my friends to pick me up. It will save me a lot of time,” Wharton sophomore Rena Blacker said.

Other Penn students are disappointed that they, too, will not receive Segways.

“It’s outrageous,” said College junior Palder Dilcox, who gave Segway tours during high school in his hometown. “Wharton students get iPads, and now Segways. What do College students get?”

All Engineering students were unavailable for comment Monday, as they were too busy trudging to DRL.

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