DPOSTM embarrasses Weenies in Kamin Cup

Despite Mike "Inexplicable Rage" Lupoli's inexplicable rage, the Weenies fell to DPOSTM in the annual Kamin Cup on Franklin Field, 30-0.

The Sports Department (113-6) took the initiative early, when The Rest of The Newspaper team (6-113) got terribly confused and ran the opening kickoff back into their own end zone, resulting in a safety.

"They played as if they had never had the top secret practice that I walked by," Sports Editor Zach "Bound Volumes" Silver said.

Despite repetitive and annoying whining to referee and Executive Editor Amy Potter the call stood.

"I can't be worse than Mugmon was last year," Potter probably would say.

Those two points would have been enough, as Senior Sports Editor and defensive end Andy "Drugs" DeLaney recorded three sacks and harassed Lupoli, a photo editor, and his replacement Paul Farber, a Street staffer, into a combined -12.73 QB efficiency rating.

"I give credit for this win to God, 'cause without him, would we even have football?" DeLaney pondered. "No, of course not. How could you? That wouldn't make sense."

Quarterback Bert "Kamin Cup" Lockwood moved the DPOSTM offense up and down the field at will. After running for a score, Lockwood hit his favorite targets -- Sports Editor Greg "Wire" Muller, freshman and freshmen cross-country writers Peter "Really Tall" Feldman and Zach "Also Tall" Levine -- and the Weenies had little response.

Feldman, Levine and Jeff "Long Hair" Greenwald each caught touchdown passes, with Greenwald's score making it 30-0.

However, some of the Weenies had different explanations for their defeat aside from lack of talent.

"Lupoli's ambivalence towards the game and Steve [Brauntuch]'s overbearing nature dragged us down. If it had been up to the girls, we would have won," City News Editor Rachel Velcoff and Copy Editor Haley Shapley said in unison. For those of you not at the game and who don't know Mike or Steve, the first part was sarcastic, the second not.

"When you have mediocre football players playing bad football, well that's bad football," Brauntuch, the Editorial Page Editor, said, refusing to comment on his overbearing tendencies.

Jon "Pointy Shoulder" Tannenwald filled out the DPOSTM lineup, playing on every single snap lined up against the female member of the Weenie lineup.

"The loss wasn't because of me, I was all over Tannenwald," Managing Editor Marla Dunn said, presumably about the game.

Photographer Phil Leff was also very much wearing a red bandanna.

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